Lets begin with the 2004 romantic drama The Notebook. The beloved film begins in
a present day nursing home. An older gentleman named Duke (James Garner) reads
a fellow female patient (Gena Rowlands) a story from his notebook. He narrates
the intense 1940’s summer romance between a poor country boy and a wealthy city
girl that becomes a life long fight for love. Unfortunately, Allie Hamilton's
parents disapprove of her relationship with Noah Calhoun (Ryan Gosling).
Despite her parent’s order Allie (Rachel McAdams) continues to see Noah.
Noah leaves to fight in World War II it seems
to be the end of their exciting romance. Once Noah returns home he learns Allie
is engaged. Before her wedding Allie discovers he rebuilt the abandoned house
they wanted to start a family in if they were ever to marry. She rushes back to
his small town only to find that their love is far from over.
The story returns to the nursing home and
reveals that Duke is actually Noah and the older woman is Allie. They are
married but Noah reads to her because she is suffering from dementia. Hoping
for her to become lucid even for a moment, Noah reads her their story everyday.
Many loved the film because of Gosling and McAdams amazing chemistry. Although, they are
not the couple I’d imagine to star as Noah and Allie. They seem a little too
perfect to actually be together. What if Will Ferrell and Lena Dunham were the
stars of The Notebook? And what if
Jack Nicholson and Maggie Smith played Noah and Allie in their present day
selves? That gave you goose bumps just now, didn’t it? I told you I know what
I’m doing
In this version of The Notebook, audiences will fall for the cute boyish charm Ferrell will bring to Noah. They’ll also feel
the need to scream even more obscenities at Allie’s indecisiveness and overconfidence that Dunham brings so gracefully to the character. Plus, Nicholson
is perfect for the present day Noah because he is able to maintain an “all work
no play” attitude when it comes to reading to Allie. He works diligently hoping Allie will remember him while Maggie Smith plays a convincing very confused Allie.
This ensemble would give one of the most realistic performances considering the
circumstances of Allie and Noah’s relationship. Here’s a taste of how I’d
recreate The Notebook with the most
absurd cast.
The film begins the way the original did with
a dramatic sunrise, a man rowing down the lake, and geese flying as the
sunrises. That’ll get the audiences into the “oh man I know this movie is going
to make me cry for hours” mentality right off the bat.
In a present-day nursing home, Duke (Jack
Nicholson) walks around greeting fellow older folks. He sees Allie (Maggie
Smith) and sits by her side and greets her good morning. She stops and stares at
him for a moment. Allie responds, “Good Morning? Do I know you?” Duke chuckles
and jokingly says, “Iiiiiiiiiitt’s Johnny, no sweetheart, my name’s Duke.” Duke
and Allie walk out to the patio and he begins to read her the story of the
greatest romance of all time from his notebook.
Duke’s story starts in the 1940’s with a shy
country boy, Noah Calhoun, at a carnival in his small hometown in South
Carolina. Noah (Will Ferrell) spots the quirky and wealthy seventeen-year old
Allie Hamilton (Lena Dunham). He approaches her and says, “Hey I just wanted to
tell you that you’re very beautiful and I’d love to take you on a date.”
Surprised by his courage Allie responds, “Oh my goodness this is honestly this
weirdest thing that’s ever happened to me. Um no sorry buddy that’s not going
to happen. I’m like way out of your league.” Being the shy guy he is, Noah
accepts the rejection and tries to leave. Allie runs to him and says, “Ok you
do not need to keep asking me like I mean sure we can grab a movie or something
but like as friends or not just like don’t be so quiet OK? It’s weird.”
Their first date ends up going rather well.
Noah only throws up twice from his fear of emotional attachment. Allie only had
five emotional breakdowns about how she’s beyond ready for love yet terrified
of commitment.
Unlike the original film, their social and
economic differences are not the reason why Allie’s parents disapprove of their
relationship. This time, Noah simply cannot refrain from blurting out “that’s
what she said” every ten seconds. It breaks Allie’s heart because there is only
so much she can do to help him.
Once Noah returns from the war he hears of
Allie’s engagement and decides to attend her wedding secretly. He sits in the
back of the church with a tear sliding down each cheek knowingly she’ll never
be his. A wedding guest accidentally sits on one of the 500 page church song books. “Ouch! I sat on
something and it really hurt!” Unable to fight the urge Noah belts in front of
the entire church, “THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID!” Allie knows there is only one person
who could have said that and runs from the alter and into Noah’s arms. Allie
says “I waited for you for seven years. Now its too late.” Noah responds, “It
wasn’t over, and still isn’t over.” He pulls her in and kisses her passionately
for thirty seconds before throwing up all over the pew.
I hope my version of Noah and Allie’s romance
made you cry and wonder if love like theirs actually exists. Join us next time
as I recast another well-known film in the strangest fashion.
