The Notebook starring Will Ferrell and Lena Dunham

   Welcome to What If? A Series of Absurd Casting. Throughout this series I’ll discuss well-known films from a different angle. Rather than review the film like most writers would, I’m giving myself the sole power to ask, “What if I were to cast the actors I imagined were best fit for the role?” Real original, am I right? As a film lover and ridiculously creative human (pinky swear I’m not a narcissist) I welcome you the most absurd alternate casting for fairly popular films that’ll make you laugh for a lifetime.

Lets begin with the 2004 romantic drama The Notebook. The beloved film begins in a present day nursing home. An older gentleman named Duke (James Garner) reads a fellow female patient (Gena Rowlands) a story from his notebook. He narrates the intense 1940’s summer romance between a poor country boy and a wealthy city girl that becomes a life long fight for love. Unfortunately, Allie Hamilton's parents disapprove of her relationship with Noah Calhoun (Ryan Gosling). Despite her parent’s order Allie (Rachel McAdams) continues to see Noah.

Noah leaves to fight in World War II it seems to be the end of their exciting romance. Once Noah returns home he learns Allie is engaged. Before her wedding Allie discovers he rebuilt the abandoned house they wanted to start a family in if they were ever to marry. She rushes back to his small town only to find that their love is far from over.

The story returns to the nursing home and reveals that Duke is actually Noah and the older woman is Allie. They are married but Noah reads to her because she is suffering from dementia. Hoping for her to become lucid even for a moment, Noah reads her their story everyday.

Many loved the film because of Gosling and McAdams amazing chemistry. Although, they are not the couple I’d imagine to star as Noah and Allie. They seem a little too perfect to actually be together. What if Will Ferrell and Lena Dunham were the stars of The Notebook? And what if Jack Nicholson and Maggie Smith played Noah and Allie in their present day selves? That gave you goose bumps just now, didn’t it? I told you I know what I’m doing

In this version of The Notebook, audiences will fall for the cute boyish charm Ferrell will bring to Noah. They’ll also feel the need to scream even more obscenities at Allie’s indecisiveness and overconfidence that Dunham brings so gracefully to the character. Plus, Nicholson is perfect for the present day Noah because he is able to maintain an “all work no play” attitude when it comes to reading to Allie. He works diligently hoping Allie will remember him while Maggie Smith plays a convincing very confused Allie. 

This ensemble would give one of the most realistic performances considering the circumstances of Allie and Noah’s relationship. Here’s a taste of how I’d recreate The Notebook with the most absurd cast.

The film begins the way the original did with a dramatic sunrise, a man rowing down the lake, and geese flying as the sunrises. That’ll get the audiences into the “oh man I know this movie is going to make me cry for hours” mentality right off the bat.

In a present-day nursing home, Duke (Jack Nicholson) walks around greeting fellow older folks. He sees Allie (Maggie Smith) and sits by her side and greets her good morning. She stops and stares at him for a moment. Allie responds, “Good Morning? Do I know you?” Duke chuckles and jokingly says, “Iiiiiiiiiitt’s Johnny, no sweetheart, my name’s Duke.” Duke and Allie walk out to the patio and he begins to read her the story of the greatest romance of all time from his notebook.

Duke’s story starts in the 1940’s with a shy country boy, Noah Calhoun, at a carnival in his small hometown in South Carolina. Noah (Will Ferrell) spots the quirky and wealthy seventeen-year old Allie Hamilton (Lena Dunham). He approaches her and says, “Hey I just wanted to tell you that you’re very beautiful and I’d love to take you on a date.” Surprised by his courage Allie responds, “Oh my goodness this is honestly this weirdest thing that’s ever happened to me. Um no sorry buddy that’s not going to happen. I’m like way out of your league.” Being the shy guy he is, Noah accepts the rejection and tries to leave. Allie runs to him and says, “Ok you do not need to keep asking me like I mean sure we can grab a movie or something but like as friends or not just like don’t be so quiet OK? It’s weird.”

           

Their first date ends up going rather well. Noah only throws up twice from his fear of emotional attachment. Allie only had five emotional breakdowns about how she’s beyond ready for love yet terrified of commitment.

Unlike the original film, their social and economic differences are not the reason why Allie’s parents disapprove of their relationship. This time, Noah simply cannot refrain from blurting out “that’s what she said” every ten seconds. It breaks Allie’s heart because there is only so much she can do to help him.

Once Noah returns from the war he hears of Allie’s engagement and decides to attend her wedding secretly. He sits in the back of the church with a tear sliding down each cheek knowingly she’ll never be his. A wedding guest accidentally sits on one of the 500 page church song books. “Ouch! I sat on something and it really hurt!” Unable to fight the urge Noah belts in front of the entire church, “THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID!” Allie knows there is only one person who could have said that and runs from the alter and into Noah’s arms. Allie says “I waited for you for seven years. Now its too late.” Noah responds, “It wasn’t over, and still isn’t over.” He pulls her in and kisses her passionately for thirty seconds before throwing up all over the pew.

I hope my version of Noah and Allie’s romance made you cry and wonder if love like theirs actually exists. Join us next time as I recast another well-known film in the strangest fashion.