The Wizard of Oz starring Gillian Jacobs

Welcome back to another edition of What If? A Series of Absurd Casting, a blog where I make the most absurd alternate casting choices for fairly popular films. Why settle for the original when you can ask “what if?” and add your spin on a film?

This edition of “What If?” is going to be a little different than our usual formats. The film of the week is the classic musical comedy-drama-fantasy The Wizard of Oz (1939) directed by Victor Fleming. Now for those of you that are not as familiar with this American classic, it stars the young Judy Garland and follows her journey through the land of Oz. Rather than recast the entire cast, I thought it might be fun to see how my alternate actress of choice would handle the circumstances that Dorothy faces along the way, maintaining the original characters. But as usual, I will make sure Dorothy creates a significant difference in the way things go down in Oz!

In The Wizard of Oz, a young girl from Kansas named Dorothy Gale (Judy Garland) lives on a farm with her dog Toto, Aunt Em, and Uncle Henry. By the way, the scenes in Kansas are all shot in sepia tone. One day after rushing home to check on her Aunt Em a tornado strikes and Dorothy is unable to get into the storm cellar and must remain in the house. Something hits Dorothy in the head once she’s indoors and knocks her out. The house spins its way up and around the tornado and crashes in Munchkinland in the incredible Land of Oz which is in technicolor. 

Dorothy is welcomed into Munchkinland by Glinda the Good Witch of the North and the Munchkins. They also applaud her since the house landed on top of and killed the Wicked Witch of the East, although leaving her sister the Wicked Witch of the West furious and swearing revenge on Dorothy. Despite all of the excitement of Oz Dorothy must follow the yellow brick road to Emerald city in order to make it back home to Kansas.

Along the way the Scarecrow, who wants a brain, the Tin man, who wants a heart, and the Cowardly Lion, who desperately wants to be courageous, joins Dorothy down the yellow brick road. The trio successfully get Dorothy to Emerald City with a few obstacles on the way A.K.A. dealing with the Wicked Witch of the West. But once they arrive to the Emerald City, the great Wizard of Oz says he can only help grant their wishes if they can retrieve the Wicked Witch’s broomstick. Will they be able to get the broomstick? Will Dorothy ever make it home? Will her friends ever get a brain, a heart, or courage?

This American classic always leaves audiences feeling all warm and gooey inside because of how sweet Dorothy is and the friendships she makes are truly one of a kind. But lets be real here, how on Earth is a sixteen year old girl that calm, cool, and collected after literally surviving a tornado and landing in some magical land. I still have no idea how I would have handled that load but Dorothy is a kind of girl that just isn’t realistic. I wish I could have that voice and ability to make friends. What if Gillian Jacobs starred as Dorothy Gale in The Wizard of Oz?

Gillian Jacobs

I believe Gillian Jacobs would be the ideal absurd alternate actress to play Dorothy become she completely contradicts the naïve attitude Dorothy has. Jacobs is the kind of character that you love and hate only because you can relate to her in the best and worst moments. To be completely honest, I think it would just be flat out awesome to see her wake up in Oz totally confused. So without further delay, here’s a sneak peek at The Wizard of Oz starring Gillian Jacobs!

Dorothy Gale (Gillian Jacobs) is just a normal teenage girl who lives with her dog Toto on her aunt and uncle’s farm. But when a sudden tornado hits, she and her house ends up in the magical land of Oz. Dorothy looks out the window and says, “Holy s*%^ Toto where the hell are we?!” She grabs a chair kitchen knife and runs out the door and sees a sea of munchkins and a pink lady in a bubble. She screams once again and shout, “Who are you and where am I? Tell me or else!” Glinda the Good Witch of the North replies, “Welcome to Munchkinland in the Land of Oz Dorothy, we are so pleased and thankful for your presence! Your home even managed to kill the Wicked Witch of the East!” 

Dorothy pauses and looks around in awe. She bursts out laughing and says, “You guys are too good no seriously what’s going on. Did I smoke too much pot or something?” One of the munchkin responds, “No Miss. Dorothy you’re our hero! You saved us all! We cannot thank you enough!” Dorothy says, “Holy crap you can talk wow. Um yea guys its me Dorothy I’m here to sort of save the day hooray!” Glinda then informs her that she must follow the yellow brick road to reach Emerald City and to receive further instructions on getting home form the great and powerful Wizard of Oz himself.

Once Dorothy has assembled her squad consisting of the Scarecrow, the Tin man, the Cowardly Lion, and of course Toto, they take Emerald City by storm. But they when the must face the Wicked Witch of the West Dorothy stops playing the sweet girl façade and lashes out how she really feels. While they are being chased by the Witches army Dorothy confronts her face to face like the strong woman she is. “Hey dude, not chill. Quite trying to take my damn slippers. I’m just trying to get out of this insane place so beat it punk,” says Dorothy. She runs up to the Witch with a bucket of water and pours it on her causing the Witch to melt. Dorothy says, “Oh yeah bye, who’s the bit- I mean Witch now? That’s what I thought.”

Dorothy follows Glinda’s steps of clicking her heels three times and repeating the phrase “There’s no place like home” and wakes up in bed in Kansas. She looks at her Aunt Em and Uncle Henry and says “Oh man do I have a story for you guys. So I was in this magical place and at first I was like uh oh, having a bad trip, but it wasn’t…” FADE OUT

Thanks for joining us yet again on another episode of What If? Where we take films create an absurd alternate cast. I hope Gillian Jacobs as Dorothy will make you feel like you can take on any Witch trying to steal your nice ruby slippers. And don’t forget, there’s no place like home!

 

Back to the Future starring Andy Samberg and Bill Nye

Welcome back to another edition of What If? A Series of Absurd Casting, a blog where I make the most absurd alternate casting choices for fairly popular films. Why settle for the original when you can ask “what if?” and add your spin on a film?

 

I’m incredibly excited for this edition of “What if?” we will be focusing on the 1985 science-fiction adventure comedy Back to the Future directed by Robert Zemeckis. This fun film has been a family favorite and never fails to amaze me, which adds a lot of pressure for this recasting. Since this is yet again the first film in a successful trilogy, I’ll sadly only be casting the major characters.

Back to the Future (1985) follows the time-travelling adventures of Marty McFly (Michael J. Fox) who is just your average teenager in the Eighties. He’s an aspiring musician with a loving girlfriend, Jennifer (Claudia Wells) but has a rather depressing family life at home. His father George (Crispin Glover) is a pushover and his mother Lorraine (Lea Thompson) is a depressed alcoholic but Lorraine never fails to remind Marty that she met his father after she accidentally hit him with her car.

On October 26, 1985 Marty joins his scientist friend Dr. Emmett Brown a.k.a Doc Brown (Christopher Lloyd) in the Twin Pines Mall parking lot to help him out with a project. Doc shows Marty the time machine he built from an old DeLorean that runs on plutonium. To demonstrate his invention Doc puts the date he built the machine November 5, 1955 for an example. Unfortunately the group of Libyan terrorists that Doc Brown stole plutonium from visits them. They shoot Doc and Marty attempts to escape in the DeLorean but accidentally activates the time machine and ends up in 1955 without the fuel he needs to return to 1985.

While in the past, Marty ends up running into both of his parents as high schoolers and actually interferes with their initial first meeting. Marty has now changed the entire course of his and the entire town of Hill Valley’s history. Now Marty must do everything in his power to save his existence by bringing his parents together while trying to return to the present.

Like every other fan of the Back to the Future franchise, I usually would say that I couldn’t think of a better time-travelling duo than Michael J. Fox and Christopher Lloyd. Although, times have changed, I’ve fallen down a deep whole of absurd casting choices and retract my earlier statement. There DEFINITELY is a great is not better duo that would kick butt as Marty and Doc Brown. What if Andy Samberg and Bill Nye starred in Back to the Future? All right take it easy everyone. I know this just might be my greatest alternate absurd casting yet but just wait because it does get better.

Andy Samberg

Andy Samberg is one of the funniest and most daring actors of this generation. If you’ve seen his performance in Hot Rod (2007) you can agree that this guy is wild and definitely Marty McFly material. Samberg carries that clueless and always surprised personality that really defines Marty McFly as a character. 

Bill Nye

I know that Bill Nye is the science guy that isn’t too different from the actual character of Doc Brown but come on everyone loves Bill Nye! Plus you got to admit it’d be awesome to see him team up with Samberg and seriously try to save Marty McFly’s existence.

Ladies and gentlemen, I invite you to join me on this journey through time, just kidding. But please enjoy a snippet of my alternate casting of Back to the Future starring Andy Samberg and Bill Nye.

Marty McFly (Andy Samberg) is just an average teen with average hobbies like playing guitar, hanging out with his girlfriend, and hanging out with a very old and bizarre scientist that can steal plutonium from terrorists. On October 26, 1985 Marty meets up with his friend Doc Brown (Bill Nye) to test out a new experiment. 

Doc shows Marty the time machine he invented using a 1985 Honda Accord and is powered by plutonium. He tests out the machine by sending his dog Einstein into the Accord and hopefully making him the first time traveller. After the demo Marty freaks out and says, “Jesus Christ Doc! Einstein is dunzo! What have you done bro? How did you make that Accord travel in time?” Doc responds, “Well Marty you can do just about anything with science because science rules.” Marty looks up puzzled and says, “That really doesn’t answer my question but okay!”

Fast-forward or rewind to the year 1966, the year Marty ends up at when he accidentally drives off in the Accord. Marty hops out of the car and begins to stroll around the town square and when he realizes what era he’s in he sings out loud “I JUST TRAVELLED IN TIME AND IT FELT SO GOOD!” Luckily for him, no one too important heard his noise. But once he walks into a diner he spots his father (in teenage form) and is unaware of what to do. Young George McFly sees Marty and says, “Hey, I saw you staring at me from over there. Do I know you?” Marty replies, “Not yet pops. Shoot. Sorry I meant to say George.” George responds, “How do you know my name?” Marty panics and spits out, “Um I read minds! Yeah that’s right I read ‘em buddy so watch out.” Throughout the rest of the film George is constantly jittery and nervous around Marty because he is truly convinced he’s a mind reader.

When Lorraine accidentally hits Marty with her car and calls him Calvin, because his boxers say Calvin Klein, Marty says, “Ooh girl why are you looking at my undies? That’s wild. I kind of dig it,” Lorraine goes in for a kiss and Marty continues, “Whoa wait no! Back off mom! I meant Lorraine, shoot! I read minds and um I sense that you and a guy named George McFly will get married and have some cool children and that’s it.” Just like that Marty is able to get Lorraine and George to meet despite interrupting the point in time they were supposed to initially meet.

That’s all we have for you guys today! Don’t forget to stop by again next time when we do another absurd alternate casting of a well-known film. Always remember, don’t steal plutonium from people no matter how badly you may need it because it honestly doesn’t help anyone out!

Titanic starring Ellie Kemper and John C. Reilly

Welcome back to another edition of What If? A Series of Absurd Casting, a blog where I make the most absurd alternate casting choices for fairly popular films. Why settle for the original when you can ask “what if?” and add your spin on a film?

This week we’ll be recasting the Academy Award Winning Titanic (1997) directed by James Cameron. The epic-disaster romance film may be one of the most well known and loved films of all time making today’s edition a bit tricky to recast.

Titanic starts in 1996 with a group of treasure hungry oceanic explorers searching for a rare diamond necklace that is said to be deep in the R.M.S Titanic wreck site. They discover a painting of a young woman wearing the necklace at the time the ship sank. That woman, Rose Dawson Calvert (Gloria Stuart), joins the crew and recounts her experiences on the Titanic and of April 14, 1912, the day the ship sank.

Then the story travels back to 1912, the year the Titanic sank. A 17-year old first class passenger Rose DeWitt Bukater (Kate Winslet) boards the R.M.S Titanic with her fiancé Cal Hockley (Billy Zane) and her mother Ruth (France Fisher). Meanwhile a poor American artist, Jack Dawson (Leonardo DiCaprio), wins two tickets back to the United States aboard the luxurious Titanic in a lucky game of poker.

The first night aboard the Titanic, Rose contemplates suicide because she dreads marrying Cal. Her mother felt he was the most suitable bachelor because he can resolve their financial problems and maintain their high social status, which means nothing to Rose. Jack sees Rose at the stern of the ship and rushes to her side and convinces her not to jump. Cal watches the interaction and invites Jack to dinner as a token of gratitude for saving his fiancé. Following the dinner with the wealthiest first-class passengers, Jack invites Rose down to the third class quarters for a part, leaving the pair completely infatuated with one another. Knowing her mother and fiancé’s disapproval of Jack, she continues to spend time with him on the ship realizing she much prefers Jack to Cal.

One evening, Jack sketches a nude portrait of Rose wearing only the Heart of the Ocean necklace gave her for their engagement present. Little did they know that would be one of the last happy moments they’d share. Later that night, the R.M.S. Titanic is hit by an iceberg. Within 3 hours the ship snap sin half and sinks to the bottom of the ocean. Unfortunately those were the last few hours Jack and Rose would ever spend together.

Titanic is one of my personal favorites even though the film itself was slightly longer than the actual Titanic sinking itself. I mean no one can call a film that won 11 Oscars a bad film, right? But as usual I had to put my own spin on the classic and replace Kate and Leo with two incredible actors that would have portrayed the love story in an...interesting fashion. What if Ellie Kemper and John C. Reilly starred as Rose and Jack in the Titanic?

Ellie Kemper

I believe Ellie Kemper would do the role justice because she can pull off Rose’s emotional rollercoaster throughout effortlessly. Plus she’s capable of channeling that young and naive mindset when it comes to men.

John C. Reilly

John C. Reilly is my ideal Jack Dawson because he's definitely the kind of guy that'd run to the stern of a ship and to save a suicidal woman. Plus he's just as charming and sly with the ladies as Leonardo DiCaprio! Without further ado, here are a few scenes from my version of the Titanic starring Ellie Kemper and John C. Reilly!

The first encounter Rose and Jack have is the very first night aboard the R.M.S Titanic. Rose DeWitt Bukater (Ellie Kemper) is pacing back and forth crying then suddenly laughing. A worried, young, and handsome artist named Jack Dawson (John C. Reilly) approaches Rose saying, “Um hey there little darling, you seem troubled. What's on your mind?” Rose responds, “Oh hello, I’m fine don't worry about me...wait you know what, no. I have a lot on my mind.” Jack stunned by her response says, “Well then what’s going on?” Rose says, “How much time you got?” Jack walks away realizing she’s a bit of a handful but feels bad and turn back to join her on the stern of the boat. “Hey I say we both just saw screw it and jump. Not like there’s anything to look forward to once we land in the States,” screams Jack as he climbs next to Rose.That’s when she knew Jack was a real keeper. The pair ends up chickening out from jumping off the boat together and just scream obscenities to the ocean.

In the original, Rose asking Jack to sketch a drawing of her nude with the Heart of the Ocean diamond around her neck is one of the steamiest scenes. In this version, Rose asks Jack to finger paint a picture of her nude posing with the diamond once again. But what Rose doesn’t know is that Jack has never seen a woman’s breasts before. The second she removes her dress Jack starts crying and running out of the room with his hands over his eyes. Rose tosses a robe on and consoles Jack and tells him he can just paint a picture of a huge iceberg that’s a few miles away from the boat.

Just as they run outside to scope out a spot for Jack to work, that same iceberg they were supposed to paint hits the ship. Over the next few hours they frantically rush to inform their friends and Rose’s family of what they just saw. By the time they find her mother she’s already on a relief boat heading out to be rescued. Realizing this might be her last shot at teenage angst to piss her mother off Rose waves her mother down and starts making out with Jack. He mother flips her off and says “Good luck daughter dearest.”

Similar to the original, Rose and Jack are stranded in the freezing water. Rose is balancing on a dresser door and holding onto Jack with every last bit of strength she has left. She tells him she’ll never let go but feels guilty that he’s quickly dying in her arms. Rose says, “Look over there Jack!” He responds shivering, “Rose I can’t move my body. Describe it to me.” Rose says, “Alright well its big, cold, and white.” Jack chuckles and says, “Is it the iceberg that hit the ship?” Indeed it was. Rose figured it would be a romantic gesture considering that was the last thing they were talking about before it hit. Jack dies of hypothermia immediately after.

So I hope that wasn’t too emotional for you all but I definitely felt this version is Oscar worthy as well. Thanks for joining us and remember to never let go! Even if the water you’re in is 28 degrees Fahrenheit.

Grease starring Rebel Wilson and Nicolas Cage

Welcome back to another edition of What If? A Series of Absurd Casting, a blog where I make the most absurd alternate casting choices for fairly popular films. Why settle for the original when you can ask “what if?” and add your spin on a film?

In this week’s edition, we’ll be recasting the 1978 musical/romantic comedy Grease. The American classic is one of the most loved musicals of all time. Considering the amount of time I have and lack of funding, I’ll only be able to provide absurd casting choices for the male and female leads. But I refuse to let that limit my creative freedom for this fabulous alternate casting!

Grease starts during the summer of 1958. A young greaser Danny Zuko (John Travolta) and a shy reserved girl Sandy Olsson (Olivia Newton-John) meet and fall madly in love at the beach. Unfortunately, their romance is cut short once summer ends and Sandy returns to Australia. They say and emotional farewell hoping that someday they will meet again.Then it transitions to the first day of school at Rydell High School. Danny is a senior at Rydell and is a part of the group called the T-Birds with his friends Kenickie, Sonny, Putzie, and Doody. Them along with the popular girl clique called The Pink Ladies rule Rydell. 

But just when all seems ordinary, Sandy shows up and is enrolled at Rydell after her parents chose to stay in the U.S. She is immediately taken under the wing of wannabe beautician Frenchie who just so happens to be one of the Pink Ladies. Completely unaware they now attend the same school, Danny and Sandy narrate their romantic summer together in a song called “Summer Nights”. It isn’t until after the infamous song that Sandy reveals Danny’s identity.

During the first pep rally the Pink Lady’s take Sandy to reunite with Danny. Unfortunately, Sandy realizes a new side of Danny she never saw which was the tough guy façade he put on in front of his friends to maintain his reputation. Infuriated, Sandy storms off thoroughly disappointed because she knows that was not that boy she fell madly in love with that summer.

After treating her terribly in front of all of their friends, will Danny ever be able to win Sandy back or has she moved on? Will Danny need to become the sensitive guy to get her attention? Or will Sandy need to become a tough badass chick to win back his heart? Who knows? The rest of the film follows Danny and Sandy’s journey throughout their senior year to rekindle the love they once shared.

Even after almost 40 years from the initial release date, Grease is still thought of as the original high school musical that made everyone in America dance and sing their heads off. But what if Rebel Wilson and Nicolas Cage played Sandy and Danny in Grease?

Rebel Wilson

In my absurd alternate casted version of Grease, I believe Rebel Wilson would be the absolutely perfect Sandy Olsson. Not only is she blonde and Australian but she also has a singing background, kind of. Also she is the only actress that carries the good girl goes bad vibe. Plus opposite to the real American bad boy Nicolas Cage, the two couldn’t make a better pair. 

Nicolas Cage

In the past, Nicolas Cage stole the Declaration of Independence, but now he’s ready to steal Sandy Olsson’s heart. It doesn’t get more American than that ladies and gentleman. They truly are the ones that I want and they ones that we need oh yes indeed. I apologize I couldn’t help myself.

Without further ado, here are a few scenes from my re-imagined version of Grease starring Rebel Wilson and Nicolas Cage!

It’s the summer of 1958; overly patriotic greaser Danny Zuko (Nicolas Cage) and a shy Australian girl Sandy Olsson (Rebel Wilson) have fallen in love at the beach. Right before their summer comes to an end, Sandy begs her new American beau to never forget her and he urges her to ditch her parents and stay but its impossible. They kiss for what they think is the final time and say goodbye.

On the first day of school at Rydell High School Danny shows up bragging to his pals called the T-Birds about the hot chick he spent his summer with. But that same girl, Sandy, ends up attending Rydell because Danny told her to ditch her parents in Australia and stay. She wanders the halls hopelessly devoted to finding the perfect group of girls to talk to about her super hot American boyfriend. Sandy meets Rizzo in the girl’s restroom after accepting a cigarette she offered. (I know Sandy goes bad so much sooner but trust me it fits) Rizzo introduces Sandy to the group known as The Pink Ladies and immediately spills every detail of her summer with Danny in the song “Summer Nights But Actually Late Afternoons”.

When Danny and Sandy run into each other on campus for the first time they both stare at one other and unsure of how to act. Danny nonchalantly asks, “Oh hey there how’ve you been?” Sandy scoffs and responds, “Hello you big dumb American hunk of hotness what about asking me why I’m still in America. And attending your high school. And how I've become friends with your friends. Those are questions.” She points at Danny, and laughs while looking at the T-Birds. Danny whispers, “Sorry baby I got to look cool here.” Sandy says, “Oh no problem” and walks away. She shouts from a distance, “Hey birdies! Danny said he loves me so much how pathetic right?” On the outside Sandy seems just fine but on the inside she’s devastated he wouldn’t acknowledge their love, plus she’s a little bit hungry.

 

Fast forward to the senior carnival, Danny and Sandy have been trying to prove their love to one another but they can’t seem to reach a happy state. Overall, it’s been real messy and this carnival is about to become a Rupaul’s Drag Race lip sync for your life moment (if you don’t known that reference, look it up honey). Sandy shows up in head to toe leather and screaming each time she jumps because she’s chaffing literally everywhere. Danny pulls up in a tight black tee and leather pant combo. The two realize that all they needed to rekindle their romance was some leather, a few half smoked cigarettes, and all their friends to sing with them at a carnival. Now they will always be together!

Thanks again for checking in on this week’s edition of What If? A series of Absurd casting. I hope you find your Danny/Sandy real soon and hug and kiss ‘em until they promise they’ll never force you to sing in tight leather pants during the summer.