Welcome
back to another edition of What If? A Series of Absurd Casting, a blog where I make the most
absurd alternate casting choices for fairly popular films. Why settle for the
original when you can ask “what if?” and add your spin on a film?
This week we’ll be recasting the Academy
Award Winning Titanic (1997) directed
by James Cameron. The epic-disaster romance film may be one of the most well
known and loved films of all time making today’s edition a bit tricky to
recast.
Titanic starts in 1996 with a group of
treasure hungry oceanic explorers searching for a rare diamond necklace that is
said to be deep in the R.M.S Titanic wreck site. They discover a painting of a
young woman wearing the necklace at the time the ship sank. That woman, Rose
Dawson Calvert (Gloria Stuart), joins the crew and recounts her experiences on
the Titanic and of April 14, 1912, the day the ship sank.
Then the story travels back to 1912, the year
the Titanic sank. A 17-year old first class passenger Rose DeWitt Bukater (Kate
Winslet) boards the R.M.S Titanic with her fiancé Cal Hockley (Billy Zane) and
her mother Ruth (France Fisher). Meanwhile a poor American artist, Jack Dawson
(Leonardo DiCaprio), wins two tickets back to the United States aboard the luxurious
Titanic in a lucky game of poker.
The first night aboard the Titanic, Rose
contemplates suicide because she dreads marrying Cal. Her mother felt he was
the most suitable bachelor because he can resolve their financial problems and
maintain their high social status, which means nothing to Rose. Jack sees Rose
at the stern of the ship and rushes to her side and convinces her not to jump.
Cal watches the interaction and invites Jack to dinner as a token of gratitude
for saving his fiancé. Following the dinner with the wealthiest first-class
passengers, Jack invites Rose down to the third class quarters for a part,
leaving the pair completely infatuated with one another. Knowing her mother and
fiancé’s disapproval of Jack, she continues to spend time with him on the ship
realizing she much prefers Jack to Cal. 
One evening, Jack sketches a nude portrait of
Rose wearing only the Heart of the Ocean necklace gave her for their engagement
present. Little did they know that would be one of the last happy moments
they’d share. Later that night, the R.M.S. Titanic is hit by an iceberg. Within
3 hours the ship snap sin half and sinks to the bottom of the ocean.
Unfortunately those were the last few hours Jack and Rose would ever spend
together.
Titanic is one of my personal favorites even though the film itself was
slightly longer than the actual Titanic sinking itself. I mean no one can call
a film that won 11 Oscars a bad film, right? But as usual I had to put my own
spin on the classic and replace Kate and Leo with two incredible actors that
would have portrayed the love story in an...interesting fashion. What if Ellie
Kemper and John C. Reilly starred as Rose and Jack in the Titanic?
 |
| Ellie Kemper |
I believe Ellie Kemper would do the role justice because she can
pull off Rose’s emotional rollercoaster throughout effortlessly. Plus she’s
capable of channeling that young and naive mindset when it comes to men.
 |
| John C. Reilly |
John C. Reilly is my ideal Jack Dawson because he's definitely the
kind of guy that'd run to the stern of a ship and to save a suicidal woman.
Plus he's just as charming and sly with the ladies as Leonardo DiCaprio!
Without further ado, here are a few scenes from my version of the Titanic
starring Ellie Kemper and John C. Reilly!
The first encounter Rose and Jack have is the very
first night aboard the R.M.S Titanic. Rose DeWitt Bukater (Ellie Kemper) is
pacing back and forth crying then suddenly laughing. A worried, young, and
handsome artist named Jack Dawson (John C. Reilly) approaches Rose saying, “Um
hey there little darling, you seem troubled. What's on your mind?” Rose
responds, “Oh hello, I’m fine don't worry about me...wait you know what, no. I
have a lot on my mind.” Jack stunned by her response says, “Well then what’s
going on?” Rose says, “How much time you got?” Jack walks away realizing she’s
a bit of a handful but feels bad and turn back to join her on the stern of the
boat. “Hey I say we both just saw screw it and jump. Not like there’s anything
to look forward to once we land in the States,” screams Jack as he climbs next
to Rose.That’s when she knew Jack was a real keeper. The pair ends up
chickening out from jumping off the boat together and just scream obscenities
to the ocean.
In the original, Rose asking
Jack to sketch a drawing of her nude with the Heart of the Ocean diamond around
her neck is one of the steamiest scenes. In this version, Rose asks Jack to
finger paint a picture of her nude posing with the diamond once again. But what
Rose doesn’t know is that Jack has never seen a woman’s breasts before. The
second she removes her dress Jack starts crying and running out of the room
with his hands over his eyes. Rose tosses a robe on and consoles Jack and tells
him he can just paint a picture of a huge iceberg that’s a few miles away from
the boat.
Just as they run outside to
scope out a spot for Jack to work, that same iceberg they were supposed to
paint hits the ship. Over the next few hours they frantically rush to inform
their friends and Rose’s family of what they just saw. By the time they find
her mother she’s already on a relief boat heading out to be rescued. Realizing
this might be her last shot at teenage angst to piss her mother off Rose waves
her mother down and starts making out with Jack. He mother flips her off and
says “Good luck daughter dearest.” 
Similar to the original,
Rose and Jack are stranded in the freezing water. Rose is balancing on a
dresser door and holding onto Jack with every last bit of strength she has
left. She tells him she’ll never let go but feels guilty that he’s quickly
dying in her arms. Rose says, “Look over there Jack!” He responds shivering,
“Rose I can’t move my body. Describe it to me.” Rose says, “Alright well its
big, cold, and white.” Jack chuckles and says, “Is it the iceberg that hit the
ship?” Indeed it was. Rose figured it would be a romantic gesture considering
that was the last thing they were talking about before it hit. Jack dies of
hypothermia immediately after. 
No comments:
Post a Comment